Nightmare One
Nightmare Two
Nightmare Three

All nightmares are courtesy of Fear, Ignorance, & Religion, proud sponsors of human depravity and tragedy for over two millennia.

I'm sorry. But this is getting out of hand. Now, if I'm pissed and I call you a name, you can have me arrested for harassment. Just one incident. One. And it's harassment.
Now, if you're white, you'll react any number of ways... ignore me, hit me, ram my car, give me the finger, maybe even shoot me. I don't think taking me to court would cross your mind. Even if I were a black person calling you names I just don't think you would take it much to heart at all. I'm really getting tired of this race crap. And if you lived in Cincinnati, or a city being boosted by the Jackson/Sharpton shakedown gang, you'd be damn sick of it as well. Frigging whiners. Period, and fuck, to death, political correctness.

And actually, its symptomatic of something other than simply a race issue. Why do Americans need protection from life? Can't take insults? Verbal insults? I believe a man got arrested while swimming at a public lake up in a NE state, last summer, for spewing profanities , not at anyone in particular, but to the universe in general. Like when you really, seriously stub your toe. That kind of thing. So, some abysmally moronic woman took offense. Her children, you see. They must be protected from..........big bad LIFE!! These are isolated instances that either of these ultra sensitive folks could have walked away from. Uniform cruelty, race baiting, hate activities that truly show enmity of heart........I have, no one has, any truck with that. But this is just one of those sharp corners, part of life, a minor jab. If you soften all the edges and straighten all the curves and remove all the colors you have...........hell.

I will not choose depression. It is a choice, and I refuse to choose depression. Of course, implicit in 'choice' is the notion that there is more than 'one thing' . OK. What emotional palette is available to me today? I am sick to death of cynicism. Strident hostility reaps little reward. Bored indifference? Jaunty sarcasm? Ballistic bitching? All of those take too much energy. OK. I'll dig further. Surely I have a half way pleasant emotion to feel in here somewhere. Well, there is that supply of joy I was trying to master. gathering a bit of dust I'd say. No, no joy. not enough information on how to deploy a joyful demeanor. Yeah, same for the happy package.......let's see.......calm optimism, sure confidence, loving kindness.......? Damn, I haven't been able figure out how to use any of those emotions either. What the fuck. If only I were one of those quixotic creatures who were born with an impish grin on their lips and a song in their heart, whose ease with their passage on this planet is evident in all they do and say. But I wasn't born that. I seemed to have inherited the moody fatalism of the Transylvania Slavic gypsies my bloodline lays claim too. Just think, if I went to Romania and identified myself as Gypsy, I could experience the plight of the 'American Negro', since apparently gypsies are not viewed with any great fondness by their countrymen. Perhaps it is my civic duty as an imperialistic, oppressive white American to experience the discrimination my downtrodden black brethren endure so I can have some frigging empathy. Oops, employing cynicism. Much overused. It's so much easier to stay in that comfort zone. Well. Fuck it. If I don't want to be depressed, I should just quit reading other folks' blogs. Then I could forget what an untalented idiot I am. I could maintain whatever illusion I have about myself that enables me to keep cranking out the days. But those folks out there, well, they are pretty damn talented.
And I'm not.
Oh well.

.......
Been trying to record some more Moby music. I have a difficult time understanding the genre of music I enjoy. Techno, trance, house, deep bass......on and on. There is an excellent site I found to assist with this. I'm addicted to this music, whatever subgenera it falls in. It is superb for cardio and driving. I tend to use music more like Gravity Kills, Filter, old Alice In Chains and NIN, etc for lifting weights, something with some 'meat' to it. Why I don't listen to the rock and roll I grew up with I only partially understand. I know it evokes more memories and their emotional weight than I can apparently handle. And so much of it isn't 'driven' enough for me. Techno/ house/ trance are kind of like musical Ritalin. Really. Being ADD, extremely hyper, the way chemicals work for me is rather the opposite of what one might expect. Amphetamines, caffeine calm me down, make me feel balanced, whereas 'downers' speed me up. Put me on pain medication and I'm more buzzed than ever. And so, like chemicals, driven One Million BPM music, calms me down. It is absolutely great fun to be improperly wired.
...

YOOOOHOOOOO!! HOMELAND THOUGHT POLICE!!!! Are ya'll out there??? Please take note. I am now taking a hit off my bong and and i just simply want to say Good Morning & Fuck You

random...
You know, I find myself envying gay men. So many that I have known are fascinating. Their taste is impeccable, their interests rarely dull. My hair dresser and his partner have one of the most beautiful, peaceful homes I have ever entered and it has all to do with stunning content. Stunning in its simplicity and eclectic variations. Fascinating.. They seem to be able to create a world just hidden from view, rich in story and characters. Their drama is HUGE! They appear to live such large and textured lives......or so it seems to me..Even their blogs have that verve and taste.. I should start collecting gay blogs, kind of like an art collection....

random...
"Our weapon is our nakedness..."
"Unarmed village women holding 700 ChevronTexaco workers inside a southeast Nigeria oil terminal let 200 of the men go Sunday but threatened a traditional and powerful shaming gesture if the others try to leave — removing their own clothes."

This is really quite a story when you think about it. Nigeria , the 5th largest oil importer to the US has lost production in a facility that normally produces 6 million barrels a day
Shut down.
700 men held prisoner.
By the threat of naked women.
This has so many angles. For one, I am always, beyond amazed, at the power of sexuality, how that same power seems always to be used for ill. And this assignation of shame to human nudity. Why has sex and nudity, throughout the recorded history of mankind, always yielded such destructive power and shame. Just the symbolism here and its raw power to hold 500 men prisoner. What does it mean when a man is held captive for fear of the shame of seeing a naked woman.?

Another angle is the the balls these women have. It took no small portion of courage for peasant women to envision halting the production of an oil facility, without back up and sans weapons..
And who the hell runs Nigeria anyway/ I mean these poverty stricken folks, all over the world, are taught to hate America and blame the 'rich westerners' for their horrid plights, while their barbarian leaders horde the resources and wealth that could turn their countries around.

Freaking sex! Amazing. Here we go again.
Gang rape sanctioned by tribal laws in Pakistan.
The details are irrelevant. It's the role sex again plays that flabbergasts me. From the account it simply appears you have horny barbarians raping men and women with impunity. In this case, for whatever reason, there has been government intervention, arrests and punishments, but if the body known as mediators or arbiters of tribal law can even conceive of using gang rape as punishment, can you imagine the prevalence of this depravity.
Sex as punishment. Sex as shame. Sex as hostility. Sex as subjugation.
And yet, the same religion that casts sex in such a ignominious role, casts their damnable 'god' as one who deems sex as the highest reward, an automatic ticket to heaven. An activity worth the sacrifice of human lives. Worthy of suicide. Certainly a god with low standards if not one who is completely schizophrenic.
These questions remain enigmas too me. Sex. Power. Religion. Why, given the incredible array of gifts human possess, do we always sacrifice all over those issues. Well, I guess you can distill those three to the ominous ONE: Power. Why is the control of other humans such a siren call.
I think it is a sad measure of the human race, after all these centuries on this planet, that we have amounted to nothing more than some cowering species willing to sacrifice an entire planet over tripe. For me, in my unsophisticated assessment, power is only a lure to someone who is inherently weak and consumed by fear.
What an ignominious defeat we shall have if, in the end, we destroy an entire planet because we are scared.

random...

I'm at the airport, several times a day, every day of the week. I probably average a minimum of 300 miles daily on the Tri-state highways. Between trips I usually linger at the airport observation area or down on the Kentucky banks of the Ohio River, watching my city across the water live her day. I spend a considerable amount of time watching people and situations.

Every arrival at CVG has to pass by me and as they stream by I zoom in on countenances, attire, gait, demeanor, attitude. A protean stream of humanity, like a magical weaving, coalescing for a moment into a keen picture of a particular family as they greet one another, the exchanged affection - or lack of it, the composition of their family matrix frozen in a flash fresco and then, together they swim away, disintegrating into the stream of traffic collecting baggage.

I record a lot of faces. Because I collect faces. I also collect gestures and attitudes and wicked smiles, or the gait of a truly dignified couple or the swagger of a testosterone driven, MAXUM pumped laptop warrior. I collect all because I am amazed and in love with humanity. (As distinguished, may I caution, from the actual experience of human company. That I have problems navigating ) As a loner and a wannabe be writer I thrive on the panorama of human drama I'm witness to. I am simply a story collector.

So yeah, I do see lots of thiings. But I'm not sharing. If Homeland Security thinks to consider the lowly limo driver for their TIPS campaign, they will get no assistance from me. And anyway, all of those images from all that I see on the highways, at airports, hotels, weddings, private air fields, river banks and concert arenas.... all of it, those are all mine. Right? They are in my mind, the most sovereign territory in my world . Our minds, our consciousness, that which governs our individual 'way of being', are sacrosanct. Besides, other than the vaguely comical threat of truth serum, our minds are inviolate. Impenetrable. We die with our frigging lips sealed.

And now, well, we can still die with our lips sealed, but it won't make any difference. We can't seal our minds. I refer you to Brain Fingerprinting.

Also, quoted from a related piece ....
"He also has been asked by military and law enforcement agencies to show how brainprints can be used to determine probable cause, which could be used for an anti-terrorism situation. "If someone is walking through the airport and he goes through the security checkpoint and we get a feeling that this person is preoccupied with certain numbers or certain thought types that may indicate hostility or aggression we could ask him questions and verify the answers. Then it gives you probable cause to say, 'Sir/Ma'am, may we step aside with you and ask you additional questions?' It allows you to find a problem set within a large group." Norseen is confident that if such a system were fully developed it would be accepted if it meant everyone would be safer at the airport gate. The data he collects may not only show probable cause but also truth verification, he adds. The brain, which uses energy, does not want to expend it needlessly, he says. If someone is telling the truth, it is kept on the outside portion of the brain in low-energy domain areas of the brain. "If someone starts to light up in more areas of the brain and at a higher energy level, it means that the person is now starting to confabulate or obfuscate." Research so far indicates a 90 to 95 percent accuracy rate.'

Well, not only do you have to be careful to wear the right shoes, no jewelry, no hardware, ad nauseam. Now you better be pretty damn sure you're in a good mood for your brain fingerprint. Lets hope traffic was good on the way to the airport. The next flight you miss may be due to lingering road rage.

Does that damn Texan imagine all of us have been walking around whistling Porky Pig tunes? Self preservation functions quite well without a government mandate. The 'Let's Roll!!' gang didn't need a Homeland Security Bureau to consult for tactics. If I see a dude at the airport that I deem threatening I will act out of instinct. But therein lies just oneof the many nightmares released from this Pandoras Box. Who the hell am I to decide that someone is acting suspicious? Back when they first started issuing alerts I started actually trying to figure out exactly what it is that I am looking for, a scale of suspiciousness, as it were. As soon as you purposefully don that lens of vision, I assure you, everyone can be construed as suspicious. Those group of foreigners at the observation lot taking pictures for 2 hours. Legitimate tourists? How the hell would I know. The 'foreigners' down by The Brent Spence Bridge taking pictures of the city. I don't know, Interstate 75 is a vital artery, should I call the cops? What about that trucker you saw at the rest stop. The one carrying hazardous materials. Didn't he look nervous? Didn't he have an accent? Shouldn't you just make sure? Just in case?

It's madness. All madness

Well, it's 03:40 and I'm trying to get some random entries in, in lieu of anything more comprehensive in my present somewhat somnolent state of mind

**** I had hoped the few news quips I heard yesterday were satirical, rhetorical, apocryphal, anything but true. But it's true. TIPS exists. My mind is sputtering. What does one do with this. All I can do is recall those old war movies depicting Hitlers' Youth and other insidious citizen patriot groups. Scenes of brainwashed kids turning in parents sympathetic to Jews or critical of Hitler. How can this go on? I 'I'm beginning to wonder if the 'America' I cherish ever existed . I can not begin to conceive how this will be abused.

later...
You know, I am actually so disheartened with the above, TIPS, that I actually feel depleted of energy. Too listless to pursue how this last hemorrhage to the body freedom is going to manifest.

Yo! Pretty Lady!! Yeah you, the one with the torch out there in New York Harbor.
Why don't you take a break. Lower your arm. Lower the damn beacon.
We're temporarily out of freedom.

I have no bloody idea why NOW the font color is black. Good lord, this frigging code stuff will drive me insane!!!!

I'll be damn if I want archives. Screw archives. Who needs to dwell in the past anyway....................

I do, damn it.

Where are my frigging archives! I did the script generator thing, I tweaked my templates. I prayed to the Blogger god, I sacrificed a virgin chicken.......

And no frigging archives.

Oh well...
.
. I will just have to get a grip. Calm down. Breathe deeply.

Oh, to hell with it. I'll remain in the rant mode. I do it best and there is a bounty of rant-able issues to start frothing about. So, I'll have at it. Since I am, as usual, behind, I'll just randomly grab the thoughts that seem to be looping through my mind.....

Random....

...such as this gem recently added to the crown of the Queen cities' notoriety. Under the headline, 'Crime keeps Cincinnati Reeling', USA Today spins this:

But the warm feelings from the event { Billy Graham }, which became public healing sessions for a city still scarred by rioting last year, didn't last long

This event was debated heatedly on the local talk show circuits from the point that it became evident Graham would serve well as a boycott target for the various groups that are practicing their picketing skills on Cinci turf. The general consensus though, by every day folk, seemed to range from indifference to cynicism. My sentiments, no doubt unpopular, are that it was merely another circus in the parade sashaying through town this long year since the infamous riots. It seemed contrived. It was a "Production". It certainly wasn't a conduit for what this city needs to be cured of, but, that is another topic.

Well, tell ya what. Another day off is not a good sign. Enjoyable for me, but the Fourth is over and I would have thought business was going to resume a good pace. Maybe not. I've worked a hard year to prove my worth as a driver to this company. They stuck with me during my tumultuous financial plummet and it's attendant aberrant behavior, and I have stuck with them, virtually on call 24/7, throughout this entire, very lean, year. On time, in tux, in character, a boon to the company. A paragon of professionalism. Well, that's a bit much. But the effort has yielded results. I'm just under the top driver in the pecking order, which determines income. And I play the game well because, aside from most weddings and all funerals, I enjoy the game immensely. My boss and the limousine industry allows me the freedom to be me. In fact , all my sassy, dissociative 'selves' fit right into the strange world that is limo-ing and the, seemingly, tolerant man that is Bob.

And the road allows me to drink deeply of the movement and rhythm I seem to crave. The song of the highways are somehow syncopated to the beat of my heart. I am calibrated to flow with the ribbons of roadways, through the endless land they weave together, just as I did when I first left Cincinnati, my birthplace, and headed west, thumb out, a fearless, crazy lady but ineffably, ineluctably ...FREE.
And as the America I journeyed in my twenties fades into what she now is becoming, the highways I travel on, now behind the wheel of a Lincoln, sing clearest to me of the liberties that are the very essence of the real America. The mightiest , most evocative metaphor I know , for the liberty that is in such damnable peril now, is the image of the open highway and is invitation to leave your present life and re-invent it

The day I am financially solvent enough to hit these highways, westward bound, with my entire family in tow, no matter how that looks, that is the day I scream hallelujah and dance a jubilant dance. Yes, dance a jubilant dance I will , the day my Jeep takes the roads west that will lead to whatever mountain our hearts will call home.
We are Americans.
This is America.
That is how we do it.
Just try to fucking stop us.

Well, I wanted to continue tweaking the template but the way is denied me. The doors are barred, the gate is up and there is no way that I will use my time venturing through the uncharted reaches of Blogdoms' help resources to find a cure. I'm sure all the information provided is fully comprehensible to those luminous creatures who speak eat drink and fuck HTML and CSS, but it's rather time consuming for the uninitiated. By the way, I regard these aforementioned creatures with awe and respect. At times I am just thoroughly intoxicated as I wander through their myriad creations in this strange land. Absolutely inspiring and encouraging to see how bright the human mind and spirt doth glow.
That being said, I had hoped to add some links as well as figure out how to create another table over there to the right. I entertain the idea of listing those questions I might ask god if I ever meet the real god. Until such a time I absolutely refuse to ascribe to that entity any human attribute or tendencies. I'm sure as hell will not put words in..... See. I'm already giving *him* a mouth. My thought is, as soon as you 'understand' a god from a human heart, you create a fallible human god and this god is so like humans that his literature is full of bloodshed and dire pondering and obsessed raving bearded men. No, my imagining is that there is no capacity in us to comprehend, see, or hear. Apparently only the eternal yearning for.......who? BUT, should I meet the dude. I would pose some of these inquiries. In lieu of the table, for now I will just { bracket }those inquiries and nest them in this column.

I have little or no acquaintance with archaeology or its 'star players', so I can not determine if this article refuting any Israelite claim to the Palestine area is credible or biased towards a certain conclusion, or what. This dude, Ze'ev Herzog claims archaeological testing and analysis indicate :


"... that 'the formative stages of the People of Israel were utterly different from those the Bible articulates. Nonetheless, such views have not percolated into the awareness of the public at large.' He (Herzog) believes that most 'Israelis (as well as Jews in the Diaspora) would still be shocked to read such conclusions as these: that the People of Israel did not sojourn in Egypt, did not wander in the wilderness, did not conquer the land of Canaan in a military campaign, and did not pass it on as inheritance to the Twelve Tribes of Israel. "

He goes on to to discredit the account about the walls of Jericho, which, apparently did not 'go tumbling down"

". Though the Old Testament offers no date for the conquest of the Promised Land, later ancient texts and archaeological evidence suggested that this was the only possible period in which Joshua and the Israelites could have arrived in Canaan. Joshua's Jericho lay buried in the tell close to the point where the Late Bronze Age strata ended and the Iron Age strata began. Wedged between these two strata should have been a black band, the ash and the tumbled bricks of the city's fallen walls. Kenyon found evidence that during the Early Iron Age, the period which was the only possible time for the first Israelite settlements in Canaan, Jericho had been largely deserted, having been in a state of ruin ever since the destruction of the last Bronze Age city 300 years earlier. "

Well, I have not heard anything about it in mainstream news and even if it were irrefutably true, would the powers that be allow it to be disseminated? It wouldn't seem to support Israels' claims and, gee, aren't we still having a little brouhaha over there about this. If we allow a biblical myth to instruct the worlds' governments in allowing Israel to be formed, it seems we need to hear from the side that debunks the myths. Especially the frigging biblical myths. They have a nasty tendency to bring out the worse in men.

Jesus, wouldn't that be just the final cap on things to find the billions of deaths brought about because of that one book, the Bible, were all based on lies and fairy tales. I would think everyone might be a tad pissed at these mid-eastern tribes at that stage.. Of course, essentially all wars are only about power and greed. Poor folks like God, and the rest of humanity serve as easy scapegoats.

The human race! What 'cha' gonna do!

Random thoughts....

This is the type of headline that makes me want to just tear my hair out. Friggin Farrakhan should not be even permitted back in this country, let alone be permitted to act in the capacity of a diplomat. It is sad and sobering to realize the sizable number of malcontents in this country, be they any color, who are drawn to these virulent and apocalyptic doctrines, thus, are every bit as dangerous, if not more so, than any of Bin Ladins rancid followers. And I would have to assume the millions in this country who find their heroes in the Farrakhans, Jacksons, and Sharptons of the world, are more than willing to add their chorus to the growing global choir, all of whom sing for our countries destruction. Call it racist. I call it realist. Anyone who can not discern the savage barbarism in Islamic thought, are just frigging deceiving themselves. If it were not so, why are their respective countries primitive and repressive. If this is the religion that nurtures their spirit, then they are spiritual zombies, the tribes of the living dead. Spare us, please, all those who speak for a god!

And so we come to Bush and his damnable faith-based initiative. What is the point? Why has he, since being placed in office, been so avidly pursuing this? What does it entail?

Bush:
"America's founding documents give us religious liberty in principle" while charities across the country "show us religious liberty in action," Bush said in defense of his plan.
I have a feeling this statement, like most coming from politicians, says nothing at all. What does religious liberty in action look like? Salvation Army? YWCA? Well, they seem to have been doing fine without government funds. Or is religious liberty in action look like Jim Jones and his Kool-aid gang? What about the religious liberty all those in Waco thought they had a right too? It would seem to me, the liberty of acting in the name of your religion, can be the very thing that transmogrifies religious liberty into a license for deception and repression and murder. Ask the Taliban. Anyway if you use religion as a defining factor in charity , I would think you exclude all who can exercise their generosity just fine without the auspices of a god or government. . It is simply ' liberty' in this country that allows people to form charitable organizations, or not. What the hell does religion have to do with it. Are his motives to find a way to tap that vast pool of untaxed church money? Or, is he going to subtly start using religious organizations to be the government's other pulpit. That is a scary thought.

"The president said that "religious liberty is more than the right to believe in God's love. It is the right to be an instrument of God's love. Such work is beyond the reach of government and beyond the role of government."
I'm so confused. I hate being so obtuse that I fail to grasp the noble vision. Is the assumption here that all religions serve a benign God? By the Bush definition of religion, the Taliban are simply instruments of god. And if it is "beyond the reach of the government", then why the hell is Bush reaching? Damn it! Religion and liberty are exclusive of each other. One does not construct the other. In fact, my uneducated guess is that the true definition of liberty is inherently at odds with the tenets of most religions. Religions have more in common with dictatorships than democracies. Unfortunately, these days, America is starting to have more in common with tyranny than freedom .
Oh well.

Here is one reason why they all hate us.

Radley Balkowrites for FOX:
"In fact, life today in America in most every way represents the zenith of human achievement. Even our "poor" are more affluent, well-fed and have access to more creature comforts and amenities than most of the rest of the world’s "middle class." The poor in America today in many ways live better than royalty did just a century ago. In fact, by most standards, poor Americans today live better than average Americans did just 50 years ago."

Why? Why does all data demonstrate that in every way, our culture and society exceeds those of the rest of the world. Liberty! Freedom! Not just our political freedom but economic freedom as well. He goes on to point out that even though India is a democracy, it still endures harsh poverty due to the lack of economic freedom.

"America’s economy consistently ranks as one of the freest on the planet. Just last month, the Cato Institute and the Fraser Institute of Canada released their annual "Economic Freedom of the World" report. No surprise. The United States’ economy ranked third, behind only the city-states of Hong Kong and Singapore. The correlation between free economies and standard of living is unmistakable. Free people live better, longer, happier lives."

Take that Farrakhan !!

HAPPY FOURTH AMERICA!!

Well, I find I have an obscene amount of time today to pursue this writing. Being ADD, that can represent yet another block of my life to waste, or I can actually just stay seated at my chair and try to tackle the various threads I want to develop,or log, or make note of.


Such as what I was writing, uh, below. It is before, thus, it appears, below. Right, whatever. But, the affect of living through the 50's. Well, actually, I didn't participate in the 50's experience, being born in '52. But I was in the environment and even if I didn't have, being so young, language or conceptual tools to translate my culture or environment, I'm thoroughly convinced it was absorbed and thus, part of my 'programming'. Whatever culture my parents brought to the table ( the tales of The Great Depression, WWI and WWII,Bing Crosby, Laurel & Hardy), were absorbed as well. A cornucopia of culture to feast upon before thoroughly rejecting, then trashing it. Well, I don't want this to lean towards hyperbole, as is my habit. I will simply narrow it down to my experience because I certainly am not equipped to make pronouncements regarding the entire culture. I may have, in my world, trashed and shredded the moral and social codes I was raised with. Given the repressive nature of my family, I probably would not have had an option, other than rebellion, in any era. It was either rebel or become another morbidly depressed lost Slavic soul. Yikes, frightens the hell out of me yet. Believe me, a bloodline traceable to Transylvania gives me justifiable trepidation about any inclination in myself towards darkness.
The taboos I broke were mostly societal. And those transgressions, mostly sexual, some in the realm of witchcraft, would have merited corporeal punishment, prison, or even death 150 years ago. As it was, I earned the repudiation and scorn of my peers. Which, I perversely relished. So, fromLAW, to Moral Stricture, to a plethora of moral options!! There. My erudite synopsis on the progress of social revolution.

Which doesn't bring me to my point, but when do I ever get to my frigging point.

point coming soon. Experiencing an interruption.

Ok. I have been wandering around the universe, drinking in the lives of others, weeping at the lack of my own.
Not quite sure why, at 50, ( if I say it, write it, stare at it, well, will anything make me understand I am 50?!!? There has to be an escape clause, somewhere). Having a day off is still rather uncomfortable. Old guilt triggers I suppose.

You would have thought after dedicating my youth ( and thus, every ensuing year, it would seem) to hippie-dom, I would have thoroughly eradicated the stultifying cultural mores and societal taboos that fought for mastery of my mind and spirit as I slugged my way through the gamut of strictures and stereotypes blandished liberally through such shows as these: Leave it to Beaver, Ozzie and Harriet and Donna Reed or My Three Sons.

You would think??!!?? But , oh no, not me! I seem still to be subject to and slave of the very judgements and boundaries I had thought were long ago defused and sent packing. If I were truly free, would I still waste energy obsessing with being 12 pounds overweight and several degrees closer to flabbiness than I can tolerate. Or reaching the big Frigging 50 and succumbing completely to the raspy voice of doom that pervades the airwaves of a woman my age in this damnable culture.

Yikes!!! Listen to me. I'm rabid. What to do, what to do......